The Sexuality Lure, Stabilizing Hormones and the Skull

As I had my morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column caught my eye. A reader composed in with a dating dilemma and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women use sex to get love, and men use love to get sex." This is a terrific summation of the "Sex Trap."

The Sex Trap resembles the Love Trap, where singles interpret great sex as love. Those who fall into the Sex Trap go even further due to the fact that for these singles, having sex brings immense meaning and consequences.

Singles fall into the Sex Trap in one (or both) of 2 methods:

A.they think sex is a required test of compatibility, (if the sex is great then the relationship will ready too).

B.more commonly, all consciousness heads out the window, and one or both previously level-headed singles consider themselves a dedicated couple as quickly as they have sex.
Rather than looking at whether this other individual might be a match on levels other than physical tourist attraction-- such as long-term requirements, needs, and wants-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.

No doubt, it can be challenging to keep in touch with reality when all those hormonal agents are cutting loose. Our body reacts to somebody we are attracted to by producing hormones such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural state of mind enhancers), and testosterone (increases libido), which makes the opportunity to make love with someone we are attracted to very difficult to withstand. Then, after orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts on the hypothalamus to produce feelings), that makes us feel really close to and bonded with our sex partner.

These chain reactions are strong and involuntary , leading to powerful feelings of destination, excitement, well-being, love, and closeness .

But when issues emerge, those who fall into the Sex Trap typically rationalize by believing, "Well, we've got issues, but the sex is great!" They probably would not confess it, however they focus on physical intimacy and concern the rest as optional. Their primary searching tools are sexual attraction and physical compatibility.

Barry North, an RCI coach who works mostly with gay guys, states that a lot of his clients have actually fallen under the Sex Trap.

" For gay guys especially in urbane areas, sex is readily offered, this page which in itself is a trap," North says. "In addition, the culture, with its focus on physical look, encourages sexual activity. If a prospective partner is going to be sexually suitable, numerous gay males desire to discover out from the starting. Why waste your time if the sex isn't going to ready?".

North adds, "I believe this is a 'guy' thing rather than a 'gay' thing.".
I do want to explain that chemistry is essential. Chemistry is a offered that we can't control in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it needs to be there for the partnership to work. If not there, we cannot "make" chemistry take place, though in some cases it can grow over time.

Songs who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry risk relationship failure when the hormone-induced intoxication wears away and reality hits.

To prevent the Sex Trap, you need to balance your heart (and hormones) with your head. This indicates combining chemistry with common sense. While good sex is necessary for a sustainable relationship, you require to make your partner choices by paying complete attention to your vision, goals, worths, and requirements -- while feeling all those interesting triggers!

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