The Intimacy Pitfall, Stabilizing Hormones and the Noggin

As I had my early morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column captured my eye. A reader composed in with a dating problem and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women utilize sex to obtain love, and guys use love to obtain sex." This is a terrific summation of the "Sex Trap."

The Sex Trap resembles the Love Trap, where songs interpret excellent sex as love. Those who fall into the Sex Trap go even further due to the fact that for these singles, having sex brings immense significance and consequences.

Singles fall under the Sex Trap in one (or both) of two methods:

A.they believe sex is a required test of compatibility, (if the sex readies then the relationship will ready too).

B.more typically, all consciousness heads out the window, and one or both formerly level-headed songs consider themselves a committed couple as quickly as they make love.
Rather than looking at whether this other person may be a match on levels other than physical tourist attraction-- such as long-term requirements, requirements, and desires-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.

No doubt, it can be challenging to correspond with truth when all those hormones are running wild. Our body responds to somebody we are drawn in to by producing hormonal agents such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural state of mind enhancers), and testosterone (increases libido), which makes the chance to make love with someone we are attracted to very difficult to resist. After orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts on the hypothalamus to produce emotions), which makes us feel really close to and bonded with our sex partner.

These chemical responses are strong and involuntary , causing effective sensations of destination, enjoyment, nearness, love, and wellness .

However when issues occur, those who fall into the Sex Trap typically rationalize by believing, "Well, we've got issues, but the sex is great!" They most likely wouldn't confess, but they focus on physical intimacy and concern the rest as optional. Their main scouting tools are sexual attraction and physical compatibility.

Barry North, an RCI coach who works mainly with gay males, says that a lot of his customers have actually fallen under the Sex Trap.

" For gay guys specifically in cities, sex is easily available, and that in itself is a trap," North states. "In addition, the culture, with its focus on physical look, motivates sex. Many gay check my site men wish to learn from the starting if a possible partner is going to be sexually compatible. Why waste your time if the sex isn't going to be great?".

Nonetheless, North includes, "I think this is a ' person' thing rather than a 'gay' thing.".
I do wish to explain that chemistry is essential. Yet, chemistry is a considered that we can't manage in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it should be there for the partnership to work. If not there, we can't "make" chemistry happen, though sometimes it can grow gradually.

Singles who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry threat relationship failure when the hormone-induced intoxication diminishes and reality hits.

To prevent the Sex Trap, you need to stabilize your heart (and hormonal agents) with your head. This suggests integrating chemistry with good sense. While good sex is necessary for a sustainable relationship, you have to make your partner options by paying full focus on your vision, objectives, requirements, and values -- while feeling all those exciting triggers!

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